ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
