No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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