the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
