in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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