booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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