if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
