Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
