She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Your dad touched me again.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
