I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
