I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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