that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
