6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
