...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
