Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
