I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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