Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
