i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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