Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize