so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
