theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
