Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
