Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
