U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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