when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
