insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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