I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
