My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
