his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
