I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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