i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My vagina just recognized that song.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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