You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
