That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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