Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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