my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
