just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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