So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
