And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
