dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
