I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
