so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
