My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
