I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
