that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
