He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
