OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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