i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize