I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
