I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
