I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish they made helmets for livers.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
