i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
