Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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