i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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