new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
