and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
