Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize