girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
