can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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