sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
