yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
