Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
