Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
