My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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