why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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