Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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