there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Come share oat with me in your robe
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
