Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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