And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
