His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
