Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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