He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
