omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
